General Stalkings - This Morning.
by stalker zine
This morning I had a strange self-realization.
I had just arrived at university ready for a day of education, knowledge and annoying protestors who preach Marxism three inches too close to my receptacle orifices.
I thought it funny how my university takes my two favourite things – books and intelligent people – and juxtaposes them with my two least favourite things – abrasive protestors and no smoking areas.
In order for me to fully function at my university, it is compulsory for me to a) buy a coffee b) buy a double shot of espresso and c) sit in the common grass for a cigarette while I look at the sky thinking about the homework I should have done when I was actually trying to perfect my Hank Moody talk in the mirror last night.
However, this morning this lovely little ritual that starts me off for the day was interrupted by nature. Yes, friends, it was how they say, “raining cats and dogs”. Or, if you’re me “shit pouring on my sunshiney day”.
I wasn’t too upset though. My cigarette could wait. Hell, my lungs feel more antiquated as the days roll by, they could use a break from my 9am influx of smog. There was still coffee.
So I went to the café, and this is where it all turned to shit.
As consequence of the weather, the protestors that normally spread out amongst the common had infiltrated the café space so that the normally 20 friendly souls all united for the morning caffeine rush, were now joined by 40 extra hairy armpitted, deodorant opposed ragamuffins all screaming blue murder about the fact they weren’t getting paid enough at their fake jobs in the whales wombs of which they had emerged this morning. They made me want to take heaps of drugs and shit my pants in front of them.
By logical extension, they had all chosen to buy extra hot soy decaf flat whites in latte glasses – so the baristas were sweating milky froth droplets under the pressure.
I felt my heart clench. What was I going to do? Should I sacrifice this sacred half of my morning ritual? Should I come to class without the caffeinated quips I could reply after my triple shot? Why did this person next to me smell like soy cheese?
It was all too much, I was over stimulated – upset.
I fled from the café to the rainy common, hoping for some fresh air and a clear head to tackle my morning ritual.
I looked at the rain pelting the overnight scum off the blades of grass, nurturing the worms six feet under. I then looked back to the café, the barista throwing back beverages to nurture the worms who should be six feet under. It could have seemed romantic if I wasn’t at the peak of devastation following these horrible occurrences. Why had the holy forces forsaken me this morning? What the fuck was up?
I flirted with the idea of leaving university. I would go home and study there. I could get a coffee and a cigarette and sit in my yard doing my work – I’d have to catch up, but it would be worth the morning satisfaction.
But for some reason I stormed back into the café, blocked my nose and ordered my coffee. It didn’t take nearly as long as I thought and in the time it took to wait and walk outside, the pelting rain had settled to a fine shower – light enough for a cigarette break.
I sat down on the saturated grass, lit my cigarette and sipped my coffee. Deep, resonating drags into my lungs and a heated oesophagus.
This is where the realization hit me. Why should the actions of others and unchangeable forces of nature stop me from doing exactly what I wanted to do in the morning? Why was I about to let something as ridiculous as a long line and a morning shower get the better of me? I had time – yet I almost let frustration win. But yet I went ahead and did it regardless, because I knew I would feel better in the end. I had to stop bitching about these trials and dilemmas I knew I was always going to face – if I was ever going to get any satisfaction.
The same applies to any kind of goal in your life. If you strive through any adversity to get what you want, whether it be as simple as waiting in line a few minutes longer in the grocery line, asking a cute boy for a lighter even if he’s next to a pretty girl, or applying for a job that you think you don’t deserve. It’s all the same.
If you do what you want, when you want, the plebs will disappear, the rain will soften, and you will get your coffee and your cigarette.